As some of you may remember from a few of my last posts, I’m now a senior! That’s right. And it’s been a whole month since school started, and trust me, I’m already feeling it.
I feel like so many people had lied to me telling me how Senior year would be the bet and most laid back year. Well, it wasn’t necessarily a lie. That very well might have been true for them. But I chose the other path and let my tell you, I am STRESSED OUT!
I feel like there’s so much going on right now! Aside from family issues going on that I don’t feel like getting into, there’s the whole dilemma with friends. You see, I don’t exactly have a friend group, I’m just friends with random people and most of them aren’t friends with each other and of course that causes problems when it comes to any sort of event. For example, at lunch I might find someone I know to eat with, but that person has their own friend group and I feel like the odd man out. And it’s the same way with any group I intrude in. This gives a general feeling of loneliness.
There’s a whole other layer of stress that comes from being in a long term relationship. Sure, through it all, he’s my support and my source of relaxation. However, there is a big stress that comes with the happiness of the other person. If there is something wrong or something going on with that person, it feels like that problem is happening to you as well. So if there’s something wrong with one person, it’s like exponential. Someone is sad and the other person gets sad, but then the first person feels more sad because they made their partner sad and it’s a vicious cycle that leads to lots of stress. The problem in this case is that he broke his right wrist. That means that he can’t play his sport (which is like his life) which of course makes him upset and begins the cycle I just described.
Secondly is something I just brought upon myself. And that is school. Most kids decide that since senior year grades aren’t all too important when applying for colleges, they take fewer and easier classes. And then there are people like me, who do their best to pack their schedule with the hardest classes the school can offer. I can’t help it! That’s just the way it’s always been. Regular classes have just been a bore and a burden. So I have 4 APs which isn’t a lot for some people, but I’ve been drowning. I already had to drop a class because I was getting straight F’s and I didn’t want that on my transcript. I know, I’m a coward, but oh well. So yes, there has been a constant flow of reading, and projects, and tests and it’s getting into my head! I’m lucky that many of my classes overlap in what they teach, because if they didn’t, I would be so lost. And going back into how I dropped a class, that means that I just transferred into a completely new class and I’m already SO FAR BEHIND. And it’s stressful trying to play catch up for a whole month of work.
Then there is the idea of APPLICATIONS! Okay, it’s mostly just time consuming. I got most of the basic stuff finished, but what’s really eating at me is…. The essays. Writing about myself?! I know, I know, you guys are thinking that I do that on here all the time, but this is pretty trivial stuff when I want to actually define who I am. I don’t think I even know who I am. And I have to somehow tell some people who have never met me in a mere 1000 words. It’s stressful. For those of you who have gone through the process, I’m sure you agree with me and for those who haven’t, you have something to look forward to (sarcasm).
So yes. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I want to do everything and I want to do everything well, but I’ve put so much on my plate that I feel like I’m cutting corners on EVERYTHING. It’s not Senioritis, I swear! I haven’t stopped trying, I’m just falling behind and that’s a scary feeling.
Thank you so much for lending an ear and listening to my rant! You all deserve great big hugs!!! Well until next time, loves!
Your stressed out blogger,