Easier to Run

Dear Readers,

We were talking about sonnets in English. That plus some personal things lately inspired me to write a….. you guessed it! A sonnet! So here it is, titled “Easier to Run” after the Linkin Park song.

Could you stay here through all of the strife

And accept the love he’s saved for you?

Or will you escape, take your own life

Stealing away a dream come true

Everyone knows the path far simpler

The path that leads to the loss of all.

Easy to say, but hard to picture

A good man who, without you, would fall

Every day he’ll come to your grave

Bringing flowers, telling of his day

Wishing it was your life that was saved

For that wish, willing his life to pay

Though it’s true it’s easier to run

Staying is worth the love that you’ve won

Did you like it? Comment or like or follow! Thanks for reading my random rambles!

Your poet,

Sabrina

Dear Miss Beauty Queen

Hey WordPressers!

I know I’ve been getting deep lately and I just was fuming about something that happened today and decided to sit down and rant. And now a letter about those people I know we’ve all encountered. I wish I had the courage to actually send this. Enjoy.

Dear Miss Beauty Queen, I just wanted to tell you that I am fed up with you. I want to clarify, I don’t hate you. I don’t even dislike you. I just want to enlighten you about all the things that your so-called “friends” have apparently refused to tell you.

First of all, you’re not the queen. People are people and they deserve to be treated with respect. They have feelings and I really wish that you would realize that. The things you say and do actually impact people and most of the time, your impact is more negative than positive. It’s not all about what you want and how you feel all the time. Sometimes I really wonder why people stay friends with you. Probably for the status of being your friend, for the benefits, or for the gossip. But think about this, how much do they actually care about you? How many of them will want to keep in touch with you after this is all over?

So honestly I feel bad for you. Who do you go to when you have problems? Do you just hide them inside? My intent is not to hurt you, I want to help. But you can’t get close to people and form meaningful bonds with people when you treat them the way you do. They’re not just pawns in your little game of chess. They are friends. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had a real one.

Second of all, boys are neither trophies nor toys. Could you just stay single for a few weeks? The way you bounce from boy to boy shows absolutely no respect for their feelings. Why do you do it? To feel better about yourself? And the way you treat the boys you reject. Your condescending remarks about how they’re “pathetic” and in love with you. You shouldn’t look down on them. You don’t realize the courage it takes to confess to a girl like you, so at least respect them for that. Please don’t be that girl who uses lies and rumors to crush the guy you just rejected. His feelings are not a joke. Have some regard for the impact you make. You’re hurting them.

And it’s pretty sad. Your relationships will never mean anything, will they? Just a time pass. When do you have the time to actually get to know each other? To become best friends. To learn all the quirks and little details about each other? You never give him the time. And if I were to be honest, I think the reason for that is you’re scared that he won’t like what he sees. You don’t want to lose that “perfect” veneer. But listen up, if he doesn’t like you after he’s learned all about you then he isn’t worth it. But if you never let a guy get that far, you might lose the one guy who would’ve accepted you.

Thirdly, stop making everything such a big deal. Drama follows you around like vultures follow a dying animal. And I would feel bad for you about having to deal with all the drama because I know it isn’t fun. However it’s like you create it just so that you have something to complain about that will keep the topic away from what’s really wrong with your life. You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to post your life story of Facebook. You don’t need to send all those late night texts to those people you shouldn’t be texting about your depressing social life. And you most definitely do not need to spread all of your personal information and everyone else’s around the entire population just so that you feel like you have something of value to say that people will listen to.

I just want to tell you to stop! There are people out there who will love you for who you really are, but you need to let them in. You need to stop treating people the way you do and acting the way you do. Sure, this is just high school. But the decisions you make now are what shape your identity and who you will end up being for the rest of your life. I want the best for you. I want you to have real friends and true love and just a peace of mind.

I don’t hate you, but this is getting so frustrating. I don’t like watching you go down this path. You’re only hurting yourself and the people around you. And some of those people are people I really care about. So stop. Please.

-Sabrina

We Live as We Dream

The comfortable warmth of an unkempt bed full of memories to the bitter apprehension of facing another tedious day.

The echoes of an empty house to the uneaten food carefully arranged on the dining table.

The transformation between two identities: one true and one to be seen, to the feeling of being pushed into a corner while a bubbly, more loveable alter ego inflates to fill up the empty space.

A singular hand reaching out to guide you to that smirk as she turns to exclude someone of such low status.

The harsh words of someone once loved tattooed in your mind to the belonging and acceptance from the one you love now.

The twinge in your stomach as you see that boy with his head in his hands to the pain felt as you watch her eyes fill with tears when she thinks no one is looking.

The unexplainable excitement as the person who makes your heart flutter approaches to the mind-numbing disappointment as you watch him walk away.

The triumph of the correct response and that nod of approval to the utter self-loathing when your performance has proven itself subpar.

The joy of that smile in response to your words or actions to the sadness of knowing you were the one who caused so much pain.

The regret and guilt of past mistakes committed in a spur of emotion to the sensation of an exonerating free-fall as you let those emotions overcome you.

The overwhelming noise of the fast paced world you live in to the loneliness of being left alone to your deadly thoughts.

The liberation of stripping away the layers of masks after a long day to the pathetic desire for some lasting relief.

But these are the things you see and the things that only you experience and they are yours to take ownership of. No matter how many hours you sit and cry and yell trying to explain and convey the feelings and events of your everyday life, no one will ever be able to understand. The objects and events that we perceive are from our own perspective and experience has taught us that perspective is everything. “You couldn’t see her face from where you were sitting.” “Perhaps if you were a few inches taller, you would be able to see what I see.” It’s this same concept, but on a mental and emotional scale. We are shaped by all the events we have seen put together. No one else has seen exactly what you have seen and felt every feeling you have felt and been in every situation you have been in. And because of that, we are all acutely unique.

The quote goes: “We live as we dream, alone.” When you dream, people are there, but they aren’t real people who experience the dream. You can wake up and try to explain to someone what the dream was about, but they will never be able to experience it in the way you did and they will not be able to grasp the full meaning of it. Life is just like that.

That is a fact we all need to understand and that is the reason we can never judge. And that is the reason why unconditional positive regard should not be reserved for those special few that we deem “worthy”, but rather a gift that we bestow upon anyone who needs it so that they may progress. If only you knew what they knew and could see what they see, you might judge differently, so try giving them the benefit of the doubt and just love them.

Take care you lovely humans,

Sabrina

A Melancholy Feeling

It’s a melancholy feeling when you watch someone melting away. You want to do something to help, but really, you know it’s out of your power. All you can do is sit. And watch. And wait.
You see their last efforts to make things right and it makes you want to truly evaluate your own life. This could happen to me. I can’t stop the voice in my mind telling me that they’re lucky. At least they get the time to say goodbye. Forgetting that they have to deal with the misery and guilt of knowing they will soon abandon everyone in this life. Everyone they love who loves them in return. Everyone who needs them. Everyone who has given them a part of their hearts. It must be terrible.
And still all I can do is watch. And wait. Knowing my words will only be added onto the pile of words already given to them. Another cliché. Words sent through cyberspace. A hug. Some short laughter. But you know it won’t last. You know that anything you say could be goodbye. Last words.
It’s a melancholy feeling.
It’s the pain of knowing. A definite conclusion. The helplessness. You hang on their every word, because they suddenly all seem to hold a deeper meaning.
It’s hard to enjoy even the little happy things when there is a cloud above you. A dark cloud. Filled with the rain that you know will fall. A cloud so heavy with sadness. And I’m just waiting.
Such a very melancholy feeling.
It’s hard to wrap your head around something so life altering. We’re young. This is so unnatural. This is all wrong. But all we can hope for is that we did our best. It was a good life. Hold on to that. Hold on to the happiness. Remember that the only reason it hurts is because they were so good. They had quirks. They got on my nerves sometimes. But I loved them. I regret not saying it back all those times. I regret not spending more time. Even now. But life goes on. I can’t pause everything to watch. And wait. I can’t.
It’s so easy for me to cry. I cry for a character in a book. A death in a movie. A stubbed toe. But now in a time of terrible grief, I sob, but can find no tears. This is a deeper pain. An unexplainable pain. A guilt. A melancholy feeling. Why can’t I cry? Why can I not find tears? Why?
I look at all the things. The messages. The little gifts. The notes. All the little things that remind me of better times. It used to make me so happy so see them, but not any more. Why didn’t I care more? Why didn’t I slow down and just enjoy the time? Everything is in perspective. I thought I knew what pain was. I thought I knew a lot of things. But I was wrong. I was wrong.
What do I do now? Life goes on. Keep swimming. Move along. Try to forget. Try not to think about it. No. I want to vomit. To purge myself of this feeling. I just want it to be better. I want it to be fixed. I want it to last.
I feel like something mine was stolen from me. Injustice. This can’t be happening. It can’t be. I can’t believe it. I refuse to. But that won’t stop it. Wasting away. Slipping. Lost.
It’s a melancholy feeling. My words feel so meaningless. How could any combination of letters truly express the pain I feel? They can’t. No one could understand. No one can hear the truth. There’s just me. Isolated. Watching. Waiting. Alone.

Advice from Sabrina

Hey Internet People!

So here it is! The poem I said I wrote! I hope you enjoy my rhyming (yes, they rhyme) words of wisdom!:

Look at me and who do you see?
A disappointment, that’s what I’d call me

But of course I care, how could I not
That pain and self doubt that you have wrought

We turn to hate who we mustn’t, ourselves
And inside our flaws we will further delve

We are unable to see our own penetrating light
Can someone please inform us that this isn’t right?

But when we’re told, will we really hear?
Or will it go in then out the other ear?

It seems as if this world can only go down
because behind every smile, there’s a hidden frown

Why do we feel the need to put on this joyous act?
Must we hide from this well known fact?

When the first thing we learn is just to complain
Even though none of us have ever felt true pain

When perfection can never be good enough
And we just keep searching for that diamond in the rough

We prevail only to make others fail
Yet always expect someone to pay our bail

We want more and more caring only for sheer quantity
But forget to look back and check our friends for quality

But when you realize all I’ve said is true
You’re in too deep, so what can you do?

Tear away from the standards of society
And realize it’s unique thoughts which make you mighty

Let go of all the flaws that you deeply resent
Now that the weight is gone, you will soon feel content

Listen for the moments of good between the bad
And realize there are far more reasons NOT to be sad

Be happy with what you have and understand others
And that’s when you’ll see life for its true colors

So there you have it! Just some observations and advice from a fellow human being. I hop you enjoyed it! And please feel free to comment or subscribe or like my post! It would be great! I’ll talk to you again later!

Deeper than the Ocean,

Sabrina

Random Acts of Kindness

Hey party people!

I had a fun story that I just wanted to share on here! Well basically today was an amazing day! This morning I went to school only to be met with a dozen roses!! Yes, my adorable boyfriend brought me roses and when I asked why, he just shrugged and said “Just cuz”. So obviously that’s my first amazing event.

Then later I was in class and my friend who knows that I absolutely LOVE mashed potatoes went out to KFC during lunch and brought me a vat of it! So good!! I just sat there eating mashed potatoes like a fatty and no one really judged me. So there’s the second amazing thing.

Then I was in a different class and my friend comes in and says “You like Dr. Pepper, right?” Just a side note, I LOVE DR. PEPPER! Like I could live on Dr. Pepper alone. So basically he says he was thinking of me and gives me a whole can!! As well as a bunch of popcorn!! So the third amazing thing today!
Then after school, my friend was walking around with a whole bag of different types of amazing cookies and just let me have at it. I didn’t even ask why he had them….I just ate a bunch. You guys should seriously consider joining the dark side, their cookies are the bomb!

Then the final amazing thing happened when my boyfriend and I decided to go to Panda Express after school for a mini date. He opened the door for me and kept it open for another lady. The lady went in, observed us for a while, and then said “You know what, gentlemen are hard to come by these days. Would you let me buy your meal?” And we were both kind of shocked. Seriously, just a random stranger! Probably one of the nicest random acts of kindness I’ve witnessed.

I hope none of you thought it was weird that most of these things were about food….Yeah. It’s not weird… But really truly an amazing day! It just makes me wanna go out and do these kinds of things for other people. Strangers, I mean! Maybe I will! I think you all should! And I do have a poem prepared to post, but I’ll post it later!! I promise!! Okay, goodbye for now!

Faith in Humanity Restored,

Sabrina

My Purpose

Is it wrong to love so selflessly, caring for others more than yourself? Because society seems look at my love and call me crazy. Why do you see me so strangely? Is this not the way love is meant to be? To care for them above yourself? So why is it that when I give my time to make someone feel better and happy, I’m called dumb for disregarding my own needs and the things I “need” to do to “succeed”. But don’t they see what true success is? At least to me, success doesn’t come as a letter on a report card or numbers on a paycheck. For me, success comes from making an impact on people’s lives. And that means caring for them selflessly. So go ahead and sneer at me. But you know inside you wonder, what’s in it for her? Why does she treat people the way she does? She looks so sad, so tired. Maybe because I’m empathetic and always try to understand everyone’s feelings. Maybe because I stayed up all night trying to talk to someone and make them realize that someone cares. Yes, I don’t care about myself. You can chalk it up to low self esteem or mixed up priorities, but the truth is, I find my life more meaningful in the way that I choose to live it, not the way I am told to live it.

Sorry I didn’t start this the way I usually do. Something my parents said got me thinking and I just had to rant. Sorry!

And as I mentioned before, I’m going to try to post more poetry on here. So keep an eye out for that.

Anyway, I hope you’re all doing fantastic!! Have a great day!

Your Helpful Blogger,

Sabrina