Night

Hello internet dwellers!

Life is like the Night.

Yes, your first thoughts may be that nighttime is dark and cloudy. And that’s true. Sometimes it’s scary not being able to see where you’re going or where anyone is. But when you get away from the hustle and bustle of the smoggy city life, you gain a sudden clarity. It’s not the sky that has been dark and scary this whole time, but rather something else that was barring you from seeing it in its true form.

Though the pure night sky is still dark, that isn’t its only quality. Between the somewhat sinister blackness, there are spots of brilliant light. These spectral orbs may be far away or sparse at times, but each is truly breathtaking in its own way. Some may be bigger or brighter than others, but each star gives of a halo of light, turning what had appeared to be an evil darkness into something more elegant and fitting. When viewing the sky all together with these lights, it becomes intensely beautiful.

During the day, the stars are invisible because the brightest star is shining and everything is light. Some people live in the sun, and they get burnt. It’s not healthy to never give your eyes a break in the blinding light. It becomes impossible to see in moderate light. All you can see are spots because you’ve stood out in the daytime for too long. They can no longer admire and appreciate the light because they soaked it in for so long and took it for granted.

No. The night is preferable to me. It’s much easier to appreciate the light in moderate darkness. It might be scary at times but when it’s late and you’re driving with the love of your life it is truly beautiful to just sit on a hill or a high place away from it all and watch the night sky. That’s when you realize: there’s nothing scary about it. You’re not alone and the bright stars help you see. It wasn’t the night itself you feared, but the people who may have been lurking in the shadows.

Life is like the Night. And the Night is beautiful. As long as you never let your starts burn out

Pensive blogger as always,

Sabrina

 

In this Moment

Hey You Guys!

I know I haven’t posted in a very long time, but that’s because I’ve been really busy with just life and all that. Anyway, I wrote a (sorry, but non rhyming) poem and I decided to share it with all of you! Yes, this is what I do while I’m procrastinating studying for my Chemistry midterm! Hope you like it!

In This Moment

In this moment, I feel content

The breeze, dancing its way across my skin

Goosebumps settled by your warmth

The chirping of birds, caress of sweet sunlight

The calm safety felt in your arms

The softness your exposed skin against mine

My heart fills with joy at the sight of you

Smiling, looking at me with love filled eyes

Looking at me like I am your world

It’s so obvious by how you say my name

Listening to the gentle boom of your heart

Beating for me, beating for us

The rise and fall of your chest syncing with mine

For a moment, we are one

And every problem melts away

You and I are our own army,

Taking on our opponent of life together

A connection born through hours and years

And yet felt in these mere seconds

In the peace of our lonely togetherness

In this moment, my diminishing faith is restored

I am sure that this,

This is what love is

 

For those of you who care/ are curious, I’m about to be celebrating my 3 year anniversary with my boyfriend tomorrow. Geez! That’s a long time, huh? So I’ve been thinking about him a lot and looking through a lot of old pictures and I decided, why not write about my feelings and such. That is what poetry is after all. So hope you liked it! (she said for the third time). Most likely, I will post again soon because I have quite a few more pieces I might want to share. Love you all! Peace!

Tied Down and Loving it,

Sabrina❤

Because Gay Means Happy & Rainbows are Happy

Hey fellow WordPressers!!

I’m so absolutely stoked about Gay Marriage finally being made legal! Something I wasn’t so stoked about was some of my friends’ reactions to this news. In fact, I was pretty upset about it. And so, in the classic Sabrina way, I decided to write a poem about it! I hope you enjoy!

Hypocrites

“Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her” John 8:7

A day of joy

A day of hope

But some refuse to join the fun

They shun the parades

They whine and mope

They cannot accept what we have done

We celebrate

We won and fought

But some, repulsed, reject the vote

Love thy neighbor is true

While equal love is not

Picking just what they want from all He wrote

It’s who we are

It’s not a choice

But some refuse to see that fact

We deserve a life

We deserve a voice

It’s finally heard and this is how they react?

This is land of the free

This is home of the brave

But we were once afraid within these walls

If they believe that we’re free

If they know that we’re brave

Then they’ll accept us and stop quoting St. Paul

That’s been the culture

That’s been the way

But women and colored were also once shamed

We hid so long

We hoped and prayed

And just like them we achieved what we aimed

They divorce and cheat

They drink their beer

But somehow think they’re above us all

They say we’re fags

They call us queer

Throwing rocks for our sins when their own appall

They’re smug and fake

They have a bad rep

They judge us hard for every little thing we do

They make me ashamed

They make me regret

Because the sad thing is, I’m one of “them” too

Glad I got that out of my system while writing something powerful in the process! I’m very disappointed about some of the facebook and instagram and twitter posts I’ve been seeing from fellow Christians. You know the Bible also says no tattoos and no cutting your hair or wearing clothes with holes in them. There was animal sacrifice and a father who thought it was okay to kill is own son! There are many things talked about in the Bible and I just don’t understand why people must fixate on that one point. I know I’m young and don’t fully understand everything about the Bible. But I do know that God loves everyone and he calls us to do the same.  So that’s what I’m going to do. Love is love people!!

And for others of you who just talk and talk about the sanctity of marriage and how it fundamentally means the bonding of a man and a woman. I would like to remind you all that at some point in time, voting fundamentally meant when property holding WHITE MEN cast votes. And that definition has changed so much over the years. Now people of all genders and races can vote. And I don’t think many people would say that’s a bad thing. In the same way, the definition of marriage can and HAS changed and soon not many people will say that’s a bad thing either. I’m so happy!!

So I hope you all liked my poem and I don’t really know if I’m going to lose followers over this or whatever, but I do know that I feel strongly about this and wanted to share. Thank you.

Rainbows and Butterflies all the way,

Sabrina

Easier to Run

Dear Readers,

We were talking about sonnets in English. That plus some personal things lately inspired me to write a….. you guessed it! A sonnet! So here it is, titled “Easier to Run” after the Linkin Park song.

Could you stay here through all of the strife

And accept the love he’s saved for you?

Or will you escape, take your own life

Stealing away a dream come true

Everyone knows the path far simpler

The path that leads to the loss of all.

Easy to say, but hard to picture

A good man who, without you, would fall

Every day he’ll come to your grave

Bringing flowers, telling of his day

Wishing it was your life that was saved

For that wish, willing his life to pay

Though it’s true it’s easier to run

Staying is worth the love that you’ve won

Did you like it? Comment or like or follow! Thanks for reading my random rambles!

Your poet,

Sabrina

Dear Miss Beauty Queen

Hey WordPressers!

I know I’ve been getting deep lately and I just was fuming about something that happened today and decided to sit down and rant. And now a letter about those people I know we’ve all encountered. I wish I had the courage to actually send this. Enjoy.

Dear Miss Beauty Queen, I just wanted to tell you that I am fed up with you. I want to clarify, I don’t hate you. I don’t even dislike you. I just want to enlighten you about all the things that your so-called “friends” have apparently refused to tell you.

First of all, you’re not the queen. People are people and they deserve to be treated with respect. They have feelings and I really wish that you would realize that. The things you say and do actually impact people and most of the time, your impact is more negative than positive. It’s not all about what you want and how you feel all the time. Sometimes I really wonder why people stay friends with you. Probably for the status of being your friend, for the benefits, or for the gossip. But think about this, how much do they actually care about you? How many of them will want to keep in touch with you after this is all over?

So honestly I feel bad for you. Who do you go to when you have problems? Do you just hide them inside? My intent is not to hurt you, I want to help. But you can’t get close to people and form meaningful bonds with people when you treat them the way you do. They’re not just pawns in your little game of chess. They are friends. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had a real one.

Second of all, boys are neither trophies nor toys. Could you just stay single for a few weeks? The way you bounce from boy to boy shows absolutely no respect for their feelings. Why do you do it? To feel better about yourself? And the way you treat the boys you reject. Your condescending remarks about how they’re “pathetic” and in love with you. You shouldn’t look down on them. You don’t realize the courage it takes to confess to a girl like you, so at least respect them for that. Please don’t be that girl who uses lies and rumors to crush the guy you just rejected. His feelings are not a joke. Have some regard for the impact you make. You’re hurting them.

And it’s pretty sad. Your relationships will never mean anything, will they? Just a time pass. When do you have the time to actually get to know each other? To become best friends. To learn all the quirks and little details about each other? You never give him the time. And if I were to be honest, I think the reason for that is you’re scared that he won’t like what he sees. You don’t want to lose that “perfect” veneer. But listen up, if he doesn’t like you after he’s learned all about you then he isn’t worth it. But if you never let a guy get that far, you might lose the one guy who would’ve accepted you.

Thirdly, stop making everything such a big deal. Drama follows you around like vultures follow a dying animal. And I would feel bad for you about having to deal with all the drama because I know it isn’t fun. However it’s like you create it just so that you have something to complain about that will keep the topic away from what’s really wrong with your life. You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to post your life story of Facebook. You don’t need to send all those late night texts to those people you shouldn’t be texting about your depressing social life. And you most definitely do not need to spread all of your personal information and everyone else’s around the entire population just so that you feel like you have something of value to say that people will listen to.

I just want to tell you to stop! There are people out there who will love you for who you really are, but you need to let them in. You need to stop treating people the way you do and acting the way you do. Sure, this is just high school. But the decisions you make now are what shape your identity and who you will end up being for the rest of your life. I want the best for you. I want you to have real friends and true love and just a peace of mind.

I don’t hate you, but this is getting so frustrating. I don’t like watching you go down this path. You’re only hurting yourself and the people around you. And some of those people are people I really care about. So stop. Please.

-Sabrina

We Live as We Dream

The comfortable warmth of an unkempt bed full of memories to the bitter apprehension of facing another tedious day.

The echoes of an empty house to the uneaten food carefully arranged on the dining table.

The transformation between two identities: one true and one to be seen, to the feeling of being pushed into a corner while a bubbly, more loveable alter ego inflates to fill up the empty space.

A singular hand reaching out to guide you to that smirk as she turns to exclude someone of such low status.

The harsh words of someone once loved tattooed in your mind to the belonging and acceptance from the one you love now.

The twinge in your stomach as you see that boy with his head in his hands to the pain felt as you watch her eyes fill with tears when she thinks no one is looking.

The unexplainable excitement as the person who makes your heart flutter approaches to the mind-numbing disappointment as you watch him walk away.

The triumph of the correct response and that nod of approval to the utter self-loathing when your performance has proven itself subpar.

The joy of that smile in response to your words or actions to the sadness of knowing you were the one who caused so much pain.

The regret and guilt of past mistakes committed in a spur of emotion to the sensation of an exonerating free-fall as you let those emotions overcome you.

The overwhelming noise of the fast paced world you live in to the loneliness of being left alone to your deadly thoughts.

The liberation of stripping away the layers of masks after a long day to the pathetic desire for some lasting relief.

But these are the things you see and the things that only you experience and they are yours to take ownership of. No matter how many hours you sit and cry and yell trying to explain and convey the feelings and events of your everyday life, no one will ever be able to understand. The objects and events that we perceive are from our own perspective and experience has taught us that perspective is everything. “You couldn’t see her face from where you were sitting.” “Perhaps if you were a few inches taller, you would be able to see what I see.” It’s this same concept, but on a mental and emotional scale. We are shaped by all the events we have seen put together. No one else has seen exactly what you have seen and felt every feeling you have felt and been in every situation you have been in. And because of that, we are all acutely unique.

The quote goes: “We live as we dream, alone.” When you dream, people are there, but they aren’t real people who experience the dream. You can wake up and try to explain to someone what the dream was about, but they will never be able to experience it in the way you did and they will not be able to grasp the full meaning of it. Life is just like that.

That is a fact we all need to understand and that is the reason we can never judge. And that is the reason why unconditional positive regard should not be reserved for those special few that we deem “worthy”, but rather a gift that we bestow upon anyone who needs it so that they may progress. If only you knew what they knew and could see what they see, you might judge differently, so try giving them the benefit of the doubt and just love them.

Take care you lovely humans,

Sabrina

A Melancholy Feeling

It’s a melancholy feeling when you watch someone melting away. You want to do something to help, but really, you know it’s out of your power. All you can do is sit. And watch. And wait.
You see their last efforts to make things right and it makes you want to truly evaluate your own life. This could happen to me. I can’t stop the voice in my mind telling me that they’re lucky. At least they get the time to say goodbye. Forgetting that they have to deal with the misery and guilt of knowing they will soon abandon everyone in this life. Everyone they love who loves them in return. Everyone who needs them. Everyone who has given them a part of their hearts. It must be terrible.
And still all I can do is watch. And wait. Knowing my words will only be added onto the pile of words already given to them. Another cliché. Words sent through cyberspace. A hug. Some short laughter. But you know it won’t last. You know that anything you say could be goodbye. Last words.
It’s a melancholy feeling.
It’s the pain of knowing. A definite conclusion. The helplessness. You hang on their every word, because they suddenly all seem to hold a deeper meaning.
It’s hard to enjoy even the little happy things when there is a cloud above you. A dark cloud. Filled with the rain that you know will fall. A cloud so heavy with sadness. And I’m just waiting.
Such a very melancholy feeling.
It’s hard to wrap your head around something so life altering. We’re young. This is so unnatural. This is all wrong. But all we can hope for is that we did our best. It was a good life. Hold on to that. Hold on to the happiness. Remember that the only reason it hurts is because they were so good. They had quirks. They got on my nerves sometimes. But I loved them. I regret not saying it back all those times. I regret not spending more time. Even now. But life goes on. I can’t pause everything to watch. And wait. I can’t.
It’s so easy for me to cry. I cry for a character in a book. A death in a movie. A stubbed toe. But now in a time of terrible grief, I sob, but can find no tears. This is a deeper pain. An unexplainable pain. A guilt. A melancholy feeling. Why can’t I cry? Why can I not find tears? Why?
I look at all the things. The messages. The little gifts. The notes. All the little things that remind me of better times. It used to make me so happy so see them, but not any more. Why didn’t I care more? Why didn’t I slow down and just enjoy the time? Everything is in perspective. I thought I knew what pain was. I thought I knew a lot of things. But I was wrong. I was wrong.
What do I do now? Life goes on. Keep swimming. Move along. Try to forget. Try not to think about it. No. I want to vomit. To purge myself of this feeling. I just want it to be better. I want it to be fixed. I want it to last.
I feel like something mine was stolen from me. Injustice. This can’t be happening. It can’t be. I can’t believe it. I refuse to. But that won’t stop it. Wasting away. Slipping. Lost.
It’s a melancholy feeling. My words feel so meaningless. How could any combination of letters truly express the pain I feel? They can’t. No one could understand. No one can hear the truth. There’s just me. Isolated. Watching. Waiting. Alone.